So today I am officially three weeks post-op and, if I’m going to be completely honest, it sucks. Not completely. But my body is still adamantly determined NOT to play on the same team as I am and that makes recovery slow (at least slower than MY expectations would be). You see, I’m a doer. A shaker. I like to get things done. At a fast past. I like to keep going, moving forward, setting and reaching goal after goal in record time. My body, however, seems set on doing its best to become a sack of rocks, jumping into the first large body of water it can find, and happily float to the bottom to rest permanently. I will never let this happen.
Still, on days like today, when I’m nauseated even laying down, I feel as if I’ve done 5,000 crunches in my sleep (which would be ok if I could wake up to actually SEE those results on my abs), and no amount of pain killers, hot pads, resting, or meditation make the pain tolerable it’s easy to give in (or up) and just start putting those rocks in the bag yourself. But, oh no. Don’t do it! Don’t give in! The road back from that is worse than 10,000 crunches with bran muffin treats.
I’m a firm believer in not only staying hopeful but also to NEVER lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, even if you have carry flint around in your pockets. When you live with chronic pain, it can (and often does) become overwhelming, and some days are better than others. But remember there will ALWAYS (God willing) be another day, one that holds promise, laughter, light, and love. Never lose sight of that perspective. Don’t get lost. Don’t get discouraged. It’s easy to, and why I believe so many of us fall by the wayside. I’m just at the beginning of my healing journey, and if I allow a few (albeit extremely) aches and pains get the best of me then I’m doomed. And homie ain’t goin’ out like that.
But I’ll be honest – I’m scared. And worried. And stressed. The next surgery I’m scheduled to have (in just 2.5 weeks mind you) is the one with a recovery time of MONTHS, almost (and quite possibly) up to a year. Yikes! You want me to ‘take it easy’ and watch Netflix for how long?! Come again? While the thought of ‘taking it easy’ sounds nice, that gets really boring really fast and then I’m ready to go out and DO something. Anything. Let’s go to a movie, do some shopping (wait, I’m broke), go to the zoo, hiking – again, anything! But that’s not how healing and recovery work – and so much of it is mental. I think of the Dr. Seuss poem/story ‘Oh, the Places You’ll Go!’. I love that book. Love. EVERY child and teenager and young adult, ok everyone, should read this at least ONCE in their life. It’s so good! But there’s a section which starts off . . .
“All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something, you’ll be quite a lot. And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance, you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.” Haven’t we all felt like this at some point or another, regardless of what we’ve had to face? KNOWING it will pass, YOU are stronger than what your current situation suggests, and keeping your eye single to the glory (remember that light? strike your flint now) will help on days when you find yourself playing against you. We are our own worst enemy. I’ve never really understood that. Shouldn’t we be our own best cheerleader? Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah and all that? But, no, we criticize ourselves to the point of going BACKWARDS and talking ourselves out of our own success. STOP THAT. I know I’m guilty of this. All the time. But I also do my best to shut up the negative committee in my head and give my cheerleader a protein bar (perk up, babe!).
I love how the poem goes on to say that not only will you succeed it says in big, bold letters, “KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!”. And thanks for calling me kid; now that I’m over 30 anything you say referring to my youth will get you brownie points. Telling me I’ll move mountains makes me think of faith and how all I need is that of a mustard seed. Have you actually ever SEEN a mustard seed? They’re tiny. Microscopic even. And that’s all it takes to move mountains. But sometimes, to move mountains, it means walking over them and that means making that hike – which ain’t easy. But the view from the top is grand! I PROMISE, the trek will be long and hard, but it will always, ALWAYS be worth it. And every journey begins with a single step. Tip toe if you must, but just take the step.
Let me crawl off my little soap box now. I feel as if this post is to mainly convince me, not you, that there are better days ahead. That through our adversity comes our greatest joys and blessings. Enduring to the end isn’t just about getting to the finish line but HOW we get there. Do we complain and whine or do we count our blessings and take the opportunities to laugh and find joy when they come? I’ve never been one who thought being ‘happy’ meant slapping a Stepford smile on my face and faking my way through life. But I do believe happiness to be a state of mind, a choice. One that can’t be easily taken away. And no one is taking it away today.
So while today may be a day where I’m PHYSICALLY not feeling my best (one out of many and more to come) I will make the CHOICE to keep my SPIRITS high, my hope strong, and keep striking that dang flint until I start a blaze. After all, why wait until you get to the end of the tunnel to have a little light? Until next time, homies, peace out, A-town down. *wink*
https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/cnk4/rally-for-rebecca-s-recovery – Please feel free to check out the fundraiser page if you feel so inclined. Or share it. I promise you all the gratitude I have in me will be yours! No, really. I’d give you a kidney but they’re riddled with stones. . .